Our sweet Magnolia turned four months old on the third. If you follow me on Instagram you've surely seen all the photos I've been snapping of our growing baby girl. I feel like I have to take a picture every single day because she's constantly changing. Wow! How did four months go by so fast!? While I was pregnant I would read blogs and articles about motherhood and babies and I watched YouTube videos to better prepare myself for my new role as her mommy. Then after we brought her home from the hospital, and real life as a family of three started, I became overwhelmed with advice coming from every single direction. One day before she was born Ryan and I ran to Walmart for something and the cashier gave us the best advice we've yet to receive "everyone is going to try and tell you what to do, just ignore it, and do things your way!" It was the simplest and most refreshing advice. Ryan and I still laugh about the fact that it has truly been the best advice.

We are going into Mother's Day weekend & as always my heart takes me back to life in 2016. Five years ago Magnolia was a five day old embryo frozen in time and stored at a hospital 45 minutes away. I know all of us have moments in life that are frozen in our hearts & minds, stored away just as vividly as the day they were created. I remember this time of year in 2016 like it was yesterday. I remember it so richly that tears are flowing down my face. Today, five years ago, we were exactly two weeks away from transferring our baby girl to my uterus. The life we live now was just a dream in our hearts then. Oh my goodness the grateful tears...

I have new eyes for my mom now. I've been blessed with a deeper understanding of all that makes motherhood motherhood. From the intensity & depth of love for another human being to the physical & emotional sacrifices that are made on a daily basis. This year & every year my heart is full of gratitude for my mom. For all she did for me & my three siblings, for the woman she is, and the life she gave us.

She raised four babies (& a bunch of animals too) & to imagine what I do each day with Magnolia times four is beyond impressive! Mom, if you're reading this, Happy Mother's Day & I LOVE YOU! Thank you.

To all the other mom's out there, I want to wish you a day full of sunshine, flowers, & laughter.

I cannot end a Mother's Day post without a little note to all the women waiting to become a mom. Mother's Day was one of the hardest days for me before becoming a mom. The love & desire to become a mom is just as worthy as celebration today. To the ones having a hard Mother's Day, I hope you take the time to care for yourself & reflect on your life now. Someday, once your baby is your arms, you'll look back & find deeper meaning in the wait. Don't Waste Your Infertility is a refreshing & uplifting read. 

Happy Mother's Day to all the women!
XO

Last night Magnolia was up from one am on. She wouldn't sleep any place other than my arms. It brought back memories of our newborn days. The long exhausting nights with the sunrise and coffee bringing just enough energy to carry on, with no hope of sleep in the near future. Those nights and days were exhausting and in some peculiar way I miss them. Today as the sun came up and I poured my cup of coffee I was running on only a few hours of sleep, and I was thankful that we were able to stay in our pajamas all day long. It was just an ordinary day, I did laundry and took care of my babies (Mrs. is a lot like a newborn 😉).

Yesterday I sat on the sofa with Ryan on one side of me and Magnolia on the other. And I just cried! I do this at the end of every year. The reflections and emotions just overwhelm me. We talked about all of our big moments, all of our everyday moments, the grand times and the sad times. Watching Magnolia grow up right before our eyes is the absolute greatest blessing of our lives & also the one thing that makes my eyes fill with tears. I had no idea that motherhood would make my heart so raw. I'm four years in and I'm still blown away by the blessing of motherhood, the blessing of Magnolia. I re-read my post from the end of 2017 and I was reminded of how hard life can be, but it's always full of blessings. The past three months have been tough for me, and I'm sure I'll share more soon, but even during the struggles there are so many blessings in the storm. 

I rolled down my window & saw her dirty hand reach out for the dollar bill I was offering. I looked in her eyes, I saw the gaps between her teeth, & I saw her round belly. I said, "I'm sorry, that is all the cash we have." Her response was a grateful one, she said she'd be able to get a cheeseburger at the Burger King behind her. Her sign read: PREGNANT & HOMELESS, anything will help. There I was on our beach getaway only weeks after I lost our baby & I couldn't hold back the emotions as I saw this woman carrying a child. At first I thought the sign was just to collect more money, we had only hoped, until we saw that it was true. She was pregnant.

We drove off in our rental minivan with our sweet Magnolia in the backseat. We went to a nice dinner. We went back to our hotel & slept in our clean white bed linens. We enjoyed the luxuries of our vacation. Since we've been home there has not been a single day that passes that I do not think about that woman & her baby. I have thought about every single detail from where she sleeps at night, what will happen when she goes in labor, is she doing drugs, will her baby be born addicted to drugs, will she get to take her baby with her when she leaves the hospital, will she even deliver at the hospital, what will the baby wear, what will the baby eat, where will the baby sleep? Her face & her situation has played out in my mind on repeat every single day.

The babies shake, sweat, vomit, and hold their bodies stiff as planks. They eat and sleep fitfully. Swaddled, they lie in bassinets or in the arms of nurses, parents, or volunteers. The place doesn’t have the hustle or beeping machinery of an ICU. Instead there are dim lights and hushed conversations because the babies need calm and quiet. Many also need methadone or other medication to relieve their symptoms. They are weaned from it over days or weeks.

I rarely leave the safe world of suburban America. I'm hardly ever exposed to this dark reality that exists. I do not turn on the news because I cannot handle to see the sadness. One homeless pregnant woman is pulling at my heart to do something.

The book I'm reading at the moment, Be the Gift by Ann Voskamp, said something to me about all of this.

We can be concerned for the poor - but be no less concerned for us rich who claim not to be rich so we can excuse ourselves from giving. Go ahead and show concern for the poor - but be no less concerned if we've merely done enough to assuage our consciences, just enough to pat ourselves on the back, but not enough that we've ever felt true sacrifice, that we've every actually broken and given. Go ahead and live concerned for the poor - but no less concerned for avoiding suffering because someday we will face Christ. What if caring for the poor was more than just caring about easing our consciences? What if caring for the poor may mean sacrifice, and what if this is the way to be satisfied and know abundant living?

Hand raised. I'm guilty of this.

The thought of helping those in need can be overwhelming. I don't know about everyone, but for me & my circle, it's almost like if we cannot save the person, then what is the point? That is the mind shift I feel I need to make. Part of me feels guilty for only sparing enough to buy the homeless pregnant woman a cheeseburger, and then the other part of me thinks if I did a small form of sacrifice every single day it may add up to something big.

I intend to spend more time in prayer about this topic. God is putting the vision of the homeless pregnant woman on my heart for a reason.

I was moved to share this story when The Recovery Village in Cincinnati Ohio reached out to me & asked that I share about them on my blog. My initial thought was, how is my Motherhood blog supposed to share about drug addiction? It didn't take long, maybe two minutes, for me to connect the dots to the homeless pregnant woman, to the book I'm reading, to sharing their resources.

In 2017 the state of Ohio has been the most severely affected by the Opioid crisis than any other state.  In 2016, opioids accounted for 42,249 deaths. The recovery from drug addiction is possible & thankfully there are organizations like The Recovery Village to help & provide treatment. To be equipped with the knowledge that resources to help with recovery exist is one way to help make an impact. To find a local rehab click here.  If you know someone struggling with addiction I encourage you to simply provide a resource for help.

xo

Our weekends are different now that Magnolia is here, and they are different in the most wonderful of ways. It feels like every thing we do is new and being done for the very first time because we get to see life through her brand new eyes. Moments as simple as walking outside are now full of joy because we show her the green grass, the blue skies, and the sound of birdies singing.

In 17 days our little baby will be ONE year old. I started to get sentimental this morning thinking about her birthday & the fact that I'll be one big ball of emotions at her first birthday party. While I was pregnant with Magnolia I read everything to prepare myself for motherhood. I talked to friends & my sisters, and I had years of experience with babies thanks to my early days of babysitting & all my nieces. I started on my baby registry months before my shower & I had everything I could imagine I'd possibly need before bringing her home for the hospital. One of my most popular blog posts was our Ikea Diaper Changing Cart that I had written before I had her. And while all those baby necessities came in handy, there were a few random things I didn't have. Today I'm sharing five items that I didn't know I needed.


1. Sound Machine // I had no idea how important it was to create a womb like experience for a baby until after I had Magnolia. It makes total sense now, but while I was pregnant with her it slipped my mind, it wasn't on any lists I read, and no one told me to get a sound machine. Thanks sisters, ha 😉! Magnolia slept like a baby, and by "sleeping like a baby" I mean she didn't sleep well at all. I went for weeks running on only a few hours of sleep & I was sleep deprived in a way I didn't know was possible. I did everything imaginable to help her sleep. For a little while I used an app on my phone to create a womb like experience. And then one day we were at a big box baby store & I found the Dohm All Natural Sound Machine & it changed my life! We still use it every night & honestly, I think I will continue to use it for years to come. I cannot describe the sound other than "real" & "soothing" for not only Magnolia, but us too. This is a must have!

2. Halo SleepSack Swaddle // Okay, so maybe this one is a no-brainer, and YES this was on lists & YES my sister told me to get some. In my defense, even her pediatrician said he felt the same way as me before he became a dad. I didn't think I needed them. I knew how to swaddle a baby & I wanted to use the pretty muslin swaddle blankets I had put on my registry. All the Instagram moms use the floral swaddles to get their babies to sleep, so that was my plan also! Side note: don't let Instagram staged photos fool you about infant sleep. It didn't work, she escaped my swaddling & she made me believe she hated to be swaddled. Finally her pediatrician convinced me to get some velcro sleep sacks & they helped, a lot! Now breaking the habit of the swaddle is a whole other blog post. The Halo brand was my favorite.

3. Cloth Diapers // This is an odd one if you plan on using disposable diapers like us. At the hospital they use cloth diapers as burp clothes & as changing pads. The nurse was nice enough to send a bunch home with us & we soon realized we needed more of them. To Amazon Prime we went for more. We had plenty of adorable burp clothes made by my sister, but it was the cloth diapers that we used each time we changed her poopy diapers. It felt as though she pooped 15x a day, maybe she did, I cannot remember now. Anyway, they came in handy to protect whatever surface we were using to change her & I still use them today. Under the cloth diapers I use a waterproof pad like these.

4. Probiotic Drops // I had no idea how terrible colic or acid reflux was in babies before I had Magnolia. I had heard stories about colic & I know my sister had it. My mom still talks about it to this day. There were days we could not get her to stop crying & there were so many nights I'd walk the house with a red-faced screaming baby wishing I could bring her comfort. She ended up having silent acid reflux & her doctor suggested probiotic drops. I shared about them here. I'm grateful that we didn't have to start a prescription medication & that the drops with time + patience was all she needed.

5. Zip-up Footed Pajamas // As a first time mom I wanted all the cute outfits for my baby. She has a few darling dresses she never wore because she grew out of them faster than we had places to wear them. It was the footed zip-up pajamas from The Gap, that my bestie from college sent me, that she wore on repeat for a good month or two. I didn't realize the importance of a zipper until I started changing diapers every single hour of the day. Who wants to deal with snaps at one am!?!? The Gap jammies were the best quality & definitely my favorite. If I was shopping for a new baby I'd probably get at least five pairs of them!

Before wrapping this up, I must mention the 1 Second Everyday - Video Diary because I just now started to use it. I wish I would have started sooner! Each day you add one photo or small one second video to the app & then it'll make a video diary for you. It's so cool & fun, and such a great way to document your baby's life. Even if you don't use the app, I highly suggest taking photos each day. Some nights while she is sleeping next to me I'll scroll through my camera roll & look at all the photos of her & I'll literally relive my emotions in the moment that I have saved forever. Taking lots of photos will always be my #1 piece of advice for new parents. 

Well there is my list of must-haves that you may or may not find on all the new parent lists out there.

Please comment below if there is anything you'd like to add to this list, I'd love to hear.

XO

I sit at my laptop with the unusually warm February breeze* blowing into our bedroom window, my pup is cuddled by my side, and my sweet Magnolia is wrapped in her muslin blanket snoozing in her Dockatot. Daddy is watering the Magnolia tree we planted on Mother's Day of last year, when our daughter Magnolia was only in our dreams. One day that tree is going to bloom outside of our bedroom window and it'll be a constant reminder of how blessed we are to have our daughter. That Magnolia tree was planted with hope and faith that someday she'd be in our life, and now she is. I hope to remember her birthday all the days of my lives. I've never felt so much physical pain and emotional + spiritual happiness all in one moment in my life. The gift of motherhood is the greatest of them all.
*I started to write this on 2/11/17

The first time my OB checked for dilation and effacement at 37 weeks we were both surprised to find out that I was already 70% effaced and one cm dilated. Each week my effacement and dilation progressed. He started to strip my membranes at 39 weeks and I started to feel the early signs of labor, but the contractions were never significant enough to count. My doctor said that it was very unusual for a first time mom to have made so much progression and not be checked into the hospital already. Basically I had been walking around in early labor for weeks. At my 39 week appointment he offered to schedule an induction since I was 2 cm dilated and he figured I'd be at a three by my 40 week appointment. My first thought was that I didn't want to be induced because I knew that Pitocin would ruin my plans for a drug free labor. I knew the Pitocin contractions would be stronger and more intense and on top of that I'd be confined to the hospital bed for the entire duration of labor. Meaning no baths in the soaker tub! He didn't pressure me at all and he told me he would schedule the room and I can take it or cancel it. I appreciated the fact that he gave me time to think about it and he made it clear it wasn't something I had to do. There was no medical reason to be induced, but I was progressed so much that a little Pitocin would simply get the active labor kick-started. It was very important for me to have my doctor deliver her and that was a factor in my decision to go ahead and do the induction on Friday, February 3rd (40 weeks + 3 days).
Thursday night before we went in for our five am induction I was up all night long having some pretty intense contractions. My sisters were insisting that I go into Labor and Delivery early, but I decided to stay in the comfort of my home as I figured we had plenty of time to get to the hospital. We got checked into our room at 5 am, all the nurses were incredibly kind and loving and they made us both feel very comforted. A nurse checked my cervix and another started my IVs. I felt excited and unusually calm. Before they started the Pitocin I asked to go to the bathroom. Ryan helped me get all the plugs undone and walked with me as I was hooked up to IVs. I felt a warm sensation running down my leg and there was blood all over the floor. I sat on the toilet and could hear a lot of fluid coming out of me. The toilet bowl was full of what we thought was blood (it was pink). I panicked a little because I didn't think that much blood would happen until after birth. Ryan ran and got a nurse who wasn't startled a single bit. She said it was fine and some women just bleed like this during labor. It took me a little while to shake it off, but they all said it was normal. One nurse had said all the fluid we heard may have been my water breaking. Then the nurses changed shifts.


My new nurse was one that I had already met at my doctor's office and I LOVED her. I was incredibly excited to know she'd be my nurse for all of my labor. Her and I just clicked! Around 9 am my doctor came in to break my water. He had already warned me that the Pitocin contractions wouldn't be intense until after he broke my water. At this time I was already having contractions that took my breath away and all I could do was breathe through them and Ryan would watch the machine and tell me when they had peaked. Knowing they were going to pass really helped me get through the pain. I was a little nervous to think that my contractions were going to get worse after my doctor broke my water, but I was ready to meet my baby girl, so I was ready for him to help things move along. When he went to break my water he couldn't find the sac. I immediately knew that my water had to have broken at 6:30 am when I got up to go to the bathroom. We weren't sure at that time and since the nurses had changed shifts he didn't know what had happened. The reason it was pink water was because it was mixed with blood. My doctor said what I was already thinking, "well good news is you don't have to worry about the contractions getting any more intense at this point!"

He knew I wanted to labor as long as possible with out pain management. He told me to let the nurse know if and when I was ready for an epidural. When the nurse and doctor left the room I talked to Ryan about how long I wanted to go before asking for the epidural. My goal was to get to 6 or 7 cm dilated, that way I'd be in active labor and I was hoping things would continue to progress at a nice speed. My doctor said it wouldn't slow things down, but I had it in my head that it would, plus I felt that I was handling the contractions pretty well at that time. It was tough to be stuck in the bed as the nurse cranked up the Pioticin, and all I could do was tell myself that with each contraction we were getting closer and closer to meeting our baby girl. Ryan was the absolute best husband through it all. He was literally laboring with me. He was by my side with every single one and he would hold my hand or watch the machine and tell me when they had peaked. He'd help me stay calm and catch my breath before the next one would arrive. At one point I had him get my Lavender and Peppermint essential oils out and they helped a little bit. He played music and we watched funny movies. I ate ice chips and popsicles through it all and I can say that ice chips have never tasted so good before. Going without water since midnight the night before was very hard for me.

As I got closer and closer to my goal the back labor was growing more and more intense. I always heard that the contractions would take your breath away, but until you actually feel them it's really hard to explain. With each one I would put my head back, try my hardest to relax my body, it was almost like I was in another world. It was like my reality altered during each one and I would just breathe. Around 11 I got checked again and I was at 6 cm dilated. Ryan and I decided to call for the epidural 30 minutes later. The anesthesiologist got there really fast. My nurse had already told her to be ready for the call. I was a little nervous about having the epidural inserted, but at this point I was truly in and out of this other world, and I was able to just clear my mind and relax as she did it. Ryan looked me in the eyes and held me the whole time and it really wasn't that bad at all. After it took effect I kept saying, "oh I'm so happy I finally got this!" It was great to have some relief and store up some energy for pushing. At this time we thought I'd start pushing around three o'clock. Well, as I had feared, things started to slow down with the epidural and the Pitocin was being cranked up. By five o'clock I was 10 cm dilated, which was not too much longer than we had expected. The nurse said that Magnolia was still pretty high up though and I could either start pushing then or I could sit in a different position in the bed in hopes that she'd start to descend on her own. I had no idea what route to take and I told the nurse to do whatever is best for my body and Magnolia. She adjusted the bed and put me in an upright position with my feet down.

Around the time of the new seating position I started to feel the contractions on the left side of my body, especially strong in my back. My right side was completely numb and I couldn't even move my right leg. I told the nurse and I used the pump to get a little more pain relief. It would help for about 20 minutes and then they'd come back. We never really figured out what was going on with my left side and then the next thing I knew my nurse said although she hadn't dropped anymore it was time to start pushing her down. I was really happy and excited at this point. She said this could take anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours. From that I was prepared for an hour and half.


She prepared the bed and I could start to feel the contractions again. Part of me wanted to feel them because I wanted to know when to push versus having someone else tell me when. And I also feared that not being able to feel anything would hinder my ability to productively push. Well, I got my wish and the pain was back. She helped me get the hang of pushing for the first 30 minutes or so. After 30 minutes I realized baby girl was really up there! Once I got the hang of things, Ryan and I were the only ones fully involved, which I very much appreciated. The nurse was down there watching and encouraging us; she gave us the ownership of the birthing process that I truly desired, even with all the medical interventions. I would say when a contraction was coming, I would hold my right leg and Ryan would hold my left leg. He would would count to ten three times. I was golden for the first ten, I'd start to fizzle out half way through the second set, and by the third set I was in so much pain that I didn't know how much longer I would make it. I had doubts in my mind, but I never spoke them out loud. I knew how important it was stay stay strong and confident and I just had to push my fears to the back of my mind. The pain was so bad that I started to vomit during the third set of ten. I was purely exhausted. The nurse kept saying how close we were, but I started to doubt her assessment when we got to the one and half hour mark. I knew the doctor was planning to show up once her head was starting to show. He ended up showing up early and was there for the second half of the pushing. When he arrived I got a new wave of energy. Thankfully he was much like our nurse and he continued to let Ryan and I lead the way. He was only there to say when to really hold the push, even though I thought my head might pop off. For two hours and 45 minutes I pushed as Ryan was by my side counting and encouraging me. I had the mirror pulled out in the beginning because the nurse was so excited about all her long dark hair and I just had to see it. Just seeing how close she was to being in my arms was a big motivation. In between each contraction I would put my head back, close my eyes, and pray to God to give me the strength to birth her. And with each new push I felt strong again until the third round of ten!

Minutes before she arrived the room was full of nurses and each nurse was training someone so the room was packed. As we got closer and closer to her arrival the entire room was literally cheering me on. I remember hearing them, but I was in another world. The doctor said he was going to do a small episiotomy so I wouldn't tear. I felt him numb me, but I didn't feel the cut, thankfully. I'm not sure how much time passed after that. I do remember him saying "okay, you can push really hard on this one and she'll be in your arms or you can push three more times and she'll be here." Before I knew it she was on my chest.

At 8:14 pm on Friday, February 3rd, after almost 14 hours of labor.



It's really hard for me to put into words the moment when I felt her warm body on my skin. I remember the overwhelming feeling of euphoria and uncontrollable tears. There are no words powerful enough to explain the moment she looked into my eyes and I heard her cry. I looked up at Ryan and his eyes were full of big tears and we just cried as Magnolia laid on my chest. The hospital staff was amazing. They left us alone for two hours as she laid skin-to-skin on my chest. I figured since I was a new mom they would send in a lactation consultant right away to help me feed her, but after 15 - 20 minutes no one showed up. My mommy instinct just kicked in and I put her on my breast and she started to nurse like we'd been doing it forever. I felt grateful and happy for that moment. I've heard stories about nursing being a challenge and I was very much relieved that her and I just connected and got the hang of it within her short 30 minutes of life. In retro I'm also grateful that we did it all on our own without someone hovering over us as we had that first special earthside connection. Eventually, later in the evening, a lactation consultant came in to see me and she was happy to see how well we were doing and she left us to do our thing. I couldn't have asked for a better crew of nurses and I have the most amazing OB.






After our skin-to-skin time they asked to take her to be weighed and bathed. I was surprised to see she was only 6 lbs 12 oz, I was thinking she'd be in the lower seven pound range, especially since she went past her due date. She has really long legs and arms and measured 19.5 inches long.




Around midnight we were taken to our room and we were both exhausted, starving, thirsty, and the happiest we've ever been in our lives. I couldn't get enough water in my system! Since it was so late the cafeteria was closed so we ordered Italian food. I ate really fast and continued to nurse my baby girl skin-to-skin through the night. By Saturday morning I must have been running on adrenaline because I hadn't slept since Wednesday night, yet I couldn't keep my eyes off of this tiny human that Ryan and I made. Bless Ryan's heart, he was just as fatigued, he truly labored with me every single second of the process.



On Saturday we had a few visitors. We had decided in advance that we wanted to keep the hospital visitors to a minimum. We had numerous reasons why we wanted to keep the room very calm and peaceful. Mainly because we wanted that time to bond with our baby girl, and we knew how tired we'd be after such an intense labor. The nurses and doctors advised us to keep the guest list short, as cold and flu season is very dangerous for babies. On Sunday morning we got the all clear to go home! I took a nice hot shower, put on some makeup to freshen up, and we got our Magnolia dressed in her first outfit. As we were pulling out of the parking lot I burst in to tears. I told Ryan to stop the car for moment so we could just sit there and take it all in. WE WERE LEAVING THE HOSPITAL WITH OUR DAUGHTER! It was surreal and a moment we had prayed for, for so very long. I needed a moment to really feel it and soak up all the glory of my escalated emotions. It was a beautiful February day with a cold breeze and a bright sunshine filled sky. And then life as a family of four (including our Mrs. PB) began!



Many of you have followed along on our journey to parenthood, starting over a year ago when we began the IVF process, and you supported us, prayed for us, encouraged us, and to you we are forever grateful.

For this child I prayed and the Lord has granted the desires of my heart. 1 Samuel 1:27

Love xo
Wen, Ry, and Magnolia

p.s.
Follow us on Instagram @wendycorreen for more photos of our family and our Sweet Magnolia. Also, I've got her newborn photos that I'm excited to share here on the blog soon. Stay Tuned.

The weekends always seem to go by too fast. When I met Ryan he traveled for work and it was such a challenge being away from him all week long that I said "I cannot do it, I cannot miss you this much, always!" We were on the verge of moving to California to avoid all the travel. With time and his travel desires communicated to his superiors, he was able to find a balance between work and home that made us both feel comfortable.

Happy first day of spring, friends! Finally it's here!!! I think we can all agree this has been the longest winter of all time. And I actually love winter, but I'm so ready for some sunshine, thunderstorms, sandals, fresh flowers, & windows wide open. I was going through all my photos & came to the realization that most of our days are about the same: pajamas until post-lunch (or a diaper in Mag's case), playtime in the magical playroom, Friday night tacos for dinner, numerous trips to Target, & lots of shopping with my sister & her babe aka Addy-girl (Magnolia's best friend!). Before we get into the fun of spring I have to do a last of winter 2019 post!

I turn 4-0 in April! And she turned 4 in February! 

I look at her & think about all that life has taught me that I am blessed to teach her. When I'm in deep thought, I realize she is the one teaching me. She loves with purity, she does what she wants, she never worries about what anyone thinks of her, she speaks her mind, she is kind & true. She is her authentic self. She is MAGGIE MERMAID full of all that sparkles and shines. I promise to do my damndest to keep her light shining bright always.

As I consciously parent her, one of the many things I have to be careful of doing is granting "approval." And saying this is good or this is bad, or you should say this or do that. As I make this effort to let her soul shine in its truest form I see that I get to relearn the same lessons.

+ It's okay NOT to be everyone's cup of tea.
+ It's okay to say no to things that you don't want to do. "NO THANKS!" carries a lot of power & the freedom feels so damn good.
+ Create boundaries that support YOUR flourishing.
+ Don't do things out of obligation. Do things out of love & joy.
+ You need to know who you are so you aren't told who you are.

I want unshakeable confidence to be her guiding light. Her love for herself should rise above all else. She only has one person to please - MAGGIE MERMAID. I hope she spends time in prayer and meditation so listening to her heart and following her dreams is as natural as eating, sleeping, & breathing.

Thanking God for the gift of motherhood & the gift of Magnolia. All children offer a gift - a reminder of how to be TRUE & AUTHENTIC!

p.s. off to make her toast with ketchup for breakfast!

On Saturday we celebrated our Sweet Magnolia's first birthday. Doesn't it seem like just yesterday we were bringing her home from the hospital? On the morning of her birthday, the moment she opened her eyes, I started to sing her Happy Birthday. She was quite familiar with the song, as we'd been singing it to her for the past few weeks leading up to her birthday. All of her friends in music class had sang it to her as well, and it was obvious she enjoyed to be in the spotlight, as her smile grew & eyes twinkled when she realized they were singing all for her! One of our local news stations does a first birthday shout-out to all the babies & we submitted her photo to play across our TV on Saturday. As we drank our coffee & prepared for her party, it was quite the treat to see her on the news!

Hello! I hope you had the most magical Easter weekend.

We celebrated all weekend long & it was truly the best Easter ever. I wasn't sure we'd ever top our first Easter with our Magnolia --- our literal golden egg, but we did. And then last Easter was one of the worst days of my life. After losing our baby on Easter Sunday last year, I was determined to make up for it this year. I remember sitting on the sofa last year, body shaking from what I had gone through physically & emotionally, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness. We watched an Easter service on TV & the message of hope in the midst of tragedy was carried in my heart all year long.

A few weeks ago Ryan took a stay-cation & it just happened to be during the Missouri State Fair. I hadn't been since my college days & I was reluctant to go because of the heat. Ryan had his heart set on going & so we loaded up the car & drove about an hour to the fair one week day. As soon as we got there we watched the pig races & we had never seen anything quite like it before. The announcer had his two kids as part of the show & they were just as entertaining as the actual pigs! They played musical instruments, did backflips, & told jokes. All the crowd was involved & it was a really fun way to start the day!

On Sunday our sweet Magnolia Caroline woke up as a two year old little lady! The day could not have been any more magical or beautiful. This winter has been the coldest ever & the popular word for the season is polar vortex. Sunday though, Sunday was like a warm sunny spring day mixed in between all of our coldness. The forecast had said it'd be 60 degrees & cloudy & I said a little prayer that the sun would come out. The celebration started at one o'clock & at 12:30 the sun surprised us by peeking out from behind the clouds. The hundreds of pastel rainbow colored balloons shined in the windows making the entire party feel dreamy & colorful, just like Magnolia does for our lives!

Reflections on motherhood, because she is FOUR now & I get so sentimental around her birthday. 

If I had to describe my mom & grandparents "parenting/grand-parenting style" in one word it would be FREEDOM. As a grown woman I see so many children (& adults) that are constantly seeking the approval & validation of their parents and/or another person. And it makes me sad. If there is one thing I hope Magnolia grows up knowing it is that we will love her unconditionally no matter what. I didn't now this as a child, but I do now, that having the FREEDOM to be me is a huge blessing. I read this quote & felt like I needed to print it out for our walls, I WANT MAGNOLIA TO ALWAYS FEEL THIS FREEDOM!!! She might not always please the world (actually I hope she ruffles some feathers), but I pray she'll be happy, secure, and authentic. I pray that she follows her dreams & the path God has set out for her.