Being Apart

The weekends always seem to go by too fast. When I met Ryan he traveled for work and it was such a challenge being away from him all week long that I said "I cannot do it, I cannot miss you this much, always!" We were on the verge of moving to California to avoid all the travel. With time and his travel desires communicated to his superiors, he was able to find a balance between work and home that made us both feel comfortable.


He's still traveling, it feels like more lately, I don't keep track of how much he's away anymore. I'm to the point now that I just roll with it.  I simply look forward to the weekends, some longer than others, that we have together and the vacations and holidays that we have penciled in on our shared Google calendar. With all his travel there are wonderful perks, like flyer miles and opportunities for us to travel along with him when he goes to cool places.

Yesterday before he left he told Magnolia "don't grow any while I'm away." And it really pulled at my heart strings, because she will grow while he's away. Sometimes she'll wake up from a nap and I'll think she grew! Most likely when he gets home this week her two bottom teeth will be completely popped through her gums.



It's hard for us to be away from one another. He's my best friend and eating dinner alone and sharing our daily events via Facetime only goes so far in the intimacy department. I worry about Magnolia missing him, well she already does, but I worry about it more so once she's older and understands his absence on a deeper level. Perhaps she'll know no better and I don't need to worry about it. I think about what Ryan will miss as she's growing up and its hard.

My grandma and grandpa spent many periods of time away from one another, as my grandpa served in the Air Force until retirement, he often had long trips away to other countries. Their marriage was one that I always admired, and their love ran deep and true. She often told me "absence makes the heart grow fonder." Not until I met Ryan did I understand her words. It's true.

Ryan was home with us for the total solar eclipse, but he had to take a late flight out soon after. Normally he sneaks out of the house, when we are still in bed, for very early morning flights. When he left this time, just before dinner, I started missing him before his truck even left the garage. Strong emotions such as those usually stir up all my emotions, from sadness to happiness, dreams to gratitude, love and longing.

On gratitude, I realize - always - how very fortunate I am to be able to stay at home with Magnolia. The thought of leaving her with a babysitter while I work outside the home is literally too hard to even think about. I felt in my heart before I had her that motherhood was my calling, and now that she's here all of my life has a deeper meaning. My greatest blessing in this life is to be Ryan's wife and Magnolia's mom.

I always find that with one strong feeling there is always a flip side if we can dig deeper. As my eyes filled with tears when Ryan left for the airport yesterday I knew that my heart missing him was part of the same story that gives to my greatest blessing - being able to devote my life to our family & home. He loves his work and I love mine. We make sacrifices being away from one another.

It is impossible to love deeply without sacrifice.                              - Elisabeth Elliot

We may not be able to share every dinner together, and we may miss that have a good day morning kiss and the sweet dreams goodnight kiss, but we have a love that runs deep and true. Every weekend, no matter what is going on in our lives, somehow he'll always manage to have me laughing to tears. I really don't know how he does it, but even on my worst days, he makes me laugh. On my best days he's there to share in the joy. He's my best friend.

XO