When I'm old & gray & I think about the year of 2018 two things will always come to mind. This was the year my beloved dog died & we lost a baby. In January I held my 14 year old Mrs. until she stopped breathing. Not even two months later the doctor told us our baby's heart had stopped beating. In my hand & in my womb, I held two hearts that stopped beating! Two hearts that I loved with all my heart. I think about them every single day & they will be a part of me for all of mine.



But still we found happiness. We traveled. We found a church. Ryan got a promotion. Valentine Lollipop. Our health.

Visiting Magnolia Market at the Silos was one of the happiest trips of my life. It is a slice of Heaven on Earth & it felt extra special taking our Magnolia! I cannot wait to go back, hopefully in 2019. This year we found a church that feels like home. Both of our babies, Magnolia & the one in Heaven lead us closer to God. Magnolia is our gift from Heaven above. The fiercest prayers were said, asking God to bless our IVF process & then she was the one & only embryo to survive. Every single day I look at her with all the gratitude. She is our miracle. In February we conceived another baby naturally. Such a surprise it was. It was so hard for me to understand why we'd be blessed with such a miracle only to lose it. The miscarriage happened on Easter Sunday. That morning we tuned into our church on TV for the very first time. Our Pastor spoke about the light we can always find in the darkness. I sat on our sofa feeling broken, emotionally & physically, and I sobbed. I sobbed as I felt his service was written just for me to hear. I found strength to carry on because of his sermon & the closeness I felt to God. Our baby in Heaven lead us straight to our church! I'm not sure we would have tuned into it had we not suffered such a painful, hard to understand, life event. We traveled to the ocean twice! Once with my sister & her babes. We added a new dog, Valentine Lollipop, to the family. Ryan got a promotion that brought him home with us. Our health is always the greatest blessing, along with the endless love of our family.

I hesitated with being honest about this year. The pain, that I still feel in my heart. How can I be so blessed & grateful, & yet share about the pain that still runs deep? Especially as I reflect & conclude on a beautifully hard year. And I know there are so many people, even close friends & family, that are suffering from the loss of a loved one(s), infertility, financial hardships, mental illness, health problems, sick babies, & the list can go on & on.

A hard season, this year has been, but still full of many blessings.

By Morgan Harper Nichols

At times the cold weather
has made her feel a little cold inwardly too. 
But God had kept her soul in this season. 
He has comforted her in the worst of it. 
And this is why she chooses 
to continue to love and to serve
even here. 
Because even here, 
He has kept her. 
Even here, she has found
she is firmly anchored in hope 
and things will not always be this way, 
because no matter how long they last
seasons inevitably change. 
So even in the cold morning winds of her mind, 
she is steady in her soul and she is grateful. 
In the dead of winter, she keeps on living
no matter what was taken, she keeps on giving. 
She is working hard and giving her all
and even when she is overlooked by others, 
she knows that God sees it all
and no matter the season
He will always honor 
her faithfulness in him.

Here we are only hours away from 2019! I'm excited for the things stirring in my heart & what God will bring in the New Year.

Love to you & yours, all the blessings, & HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

I hope you all had the MERRIEST Christmas!

Well, here we are only a few days away from 2019. December was a busy month & it felt as though we blinked and it was Christmas morning. It's been nice to slow down this week, enjoy festivities with our family, eat lots of yummy food, & stay home in our jammies all day long! The past few days we have literally stayed in our pajamas all day long. Our tree is still up & twinkling 24/7 & I don't even want to think about taking it down.

Yesterday my sisters & their babes came over for our first ever annual gingerbread house decorating party. We've declared it an annual party because it was that much fun & it must now become a family tradition! The attire was tutus or Christmas pajamas. We used the Wilton pre-made gingerbread house kits because we wanted them to get straight to the best part - decorating! I picked up some cute little gingerbread men + extra sno-cap chocolates & gumdrops. Christmas jams were playing as the kiddos danced in their chairs & consumed more sugar & chocolate than what ended up on the houses. By the end most of the frosting was on the floor, in their bellies, or on my forehead! Addy put a piggy on her house & Ollie had a monster truck. Their little personal touches were the sweetest & the sound of their laughter was the very best part.

Yesterday was a dark cold day & I would have loved to take Magnolia & Valentine for a long walk. We were all craving some fresh air, but we were limited to indoor fun. While Magnolia was napping I made her some Christmas inspired red & green play dough! She's never played with it before & I just knew she'd love it. I added some Rocky Mountain essential oils to make it smell sweet with hints of rose & vanilla.

15 days until Christmas! 15!!! How is that so!?! I feel like this month is going by so fast, but we're trying to soak up all the magic as much as we can. We've watched all the Christmas movies cuddled up on our sofa by the twinkling lights & Polar Express is the one Magnolia seems to enjoy the very most. She's scared of the train, but equally intrigued by it. Last Friday night she took this very unusual late afternoon nap & slept until the sun went down. She never ever EVER does that & I just knew that was our one & only opportunity to take her to Christmas in the Park. It took us over an hour to get inside the park & once we did she was absolutely blown away by all the thousands of twinkling lights. Magnolia got her first hair cut & had her first play in the powder white snow. The way she laughed as she fell into the soft snow to make a snow angel will forever be part of my heart. Her puppy Valentine is by her side at all times & they're bond is the classic "a girl & her dog" type - the sweetest. Magnolia is my shopping buddy & can literally go all day long! Glitter reindeer purse is on her shoulder at all times. Festive attire is already on point with my girl!  We spent three+ hours at Ikea getting Christmas gifts to stock her play kitchen & she didn't fuss once. She loves Costco samples & one of the photos below was snapped right before she got pretty upset with the chocolate all over her fingers & face. So she likes to shop & she hates to be dirty. Ummmmm, she got that from me! We still have plans to go to Union Station, dinner on the Country Club Plaza & a cookie decorating + gingerbread house making party with my sisters & their babes. I'm sure we'll add in some other festive stuff while Ryan is on his Christmas vacation. We are skipping a visit to Santa this year because she doesn't want anything to do with sitting on some strange man's lap (cannot blame her for that one!). I feel a little bad that I haven't got around to making our family Christmas cards this year (and it just may not happen), but you know what we cannot do it all & enjoy the things we are doing. That's the my motto for the rest of December, we're going with the flow, doing a bunch of festive stuff & soaking up all the joy along the way!
























"First we'll make snow angels for two hours, then we'll go ice skating, then we'll eat a whole roll of Tollhouse cookie dough as fast as we can, & then we'll snuggle!" - The Elf

May the rest of your December be Merry!
xo