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2017 WENDY CORREEN SMITH. Powered by Blogger.


Miscarriage - Our Baby in Heaven

It's crazy to think that Magnolia has a baby brother or sister in Heaven. Miscarriage is such a sad & hard thing to talk about. Last year, after we found out our baby's heart had stopped beating, I shared the news on a blog post. I never came back to talk about what happened after my body finally decided to let it go. It was just too hard to talk about & all I wanted was for life to carry on. It's still really hard to talk about, but it's been a year now so I'm sharing a little bit about it.

Magnolia loves babies, she's obsessed with them. Even a TV commercial with a baby will stop her in her tracks & she'll stare up with starry eyes & say "awwww, baby!" Goodness, she'd be such a wonderful big sister & we are still praying that she'll get to be one someday. I think that is what gets me aching the most, just imagining her with a sibling. Knowing how much fun they'd have together.

I can't remember how much time passed between the sonogram that showed no heartbeat & the actual miscarriage. It was at least a week. It was torture waiting around for something tragic to happen. I had no idea what to expect, and to be honest it was way worse than I thought it would be. I woke up to contractions on Easter morning around midnight & finally lost the baby around 2 am. I saw our little baby floating around in the amniotic sac. I actually got to hold our baby in the palm of my hand! No one, not even the doctor, told me that would happen. I was ignorant enough to think it'd be mixed in with blood & I'd have no idea when it had passed. And that was not the case at all. I know those are graphic details, but I sure wish this was talked about more often. I wish someone would have told me what to expect. Geez, I had just given birth to Magnolia 14 months prior & I was clueless about how a miscarriage at 10.5 weeks would go.

Our little baby was born on April first & on Monday we had a mini birthday party at home to celebrate our angel in Heaven. Ryan picked up a tiny cake & some Easter lilies & we sang Happy Birthday & prayed together. It was very heartwarming & I'm sure we will do something special on the first of every April from now on.

Last year after the loss I planted two Easter Lilies in it's memory. After they were in the ground a red cardinal flew above us! If you don't know the special meaning of cardinals you'll have to Google it, basically for the short & sweet explanation it means angels are near. I hate to admit it, but I didn't do much to care for the bulbs after they were in the ground. I'm not the best gardner! Ryan didn't think they'd come back, but I was hopeful they would because I just needed something special to happen. To my surprise, one of the two sprouted a few weeks ago. I was so happy to see it popping up from the ground. On April first I woke up feeling sad & stepped outside for some fresh spring air. I couldn't believe my eyes when I looked over and saw another cardinal sitting on the branch next to the Easter Lily. I love little signs from Heaven above, when you can just think, "ya, God, I know that was from you!"

If you know anyone that is going through infertility or miscarriage, just let them know you care. Don't worry about saying the "right" things, because there really isn't anything you can say or do to take away the pain. All you can do is love them & be there for them. And pray, that was always what brought me the most peace & comfort.

As always thank you for following along on our journey!
xo The Smiths
Wendy Correen Smith
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