Loss & Hope

When we moved into our new home a few months ago, I boldly said this room would be the nursery. The place that holds all of our cherished baby items. It's the room I peek into every day & wonder when we'll have another baby. This room represents faith, faith that one day our family will grow & that Magnolia will have a baby brother or sister.



I was very broken after our miscarriage almost two years ago. Looking back it was more traumatic than I even realized while I was in the midst of the storm. It took time to heal & to have the courage to try again. Then life happened & for numerous reasons we put our baby dreams on hold. The desire to have another baby never ever left our hearts.

This past summer I started to see a Naturopathic doctor. I went to her with numerous complaints and wishes (1) I wanted to keep the endometriosis at bay (2) fertility support (3) why the heck am I getting migraines every single month?!? Going to see her was one of the best health decisions I've ever made. Overall, I've never felt healthier in my life!

After Christmas Ryan & I decided we were ready to try again for a baby! Last Monday I took a pregnancy test & two lines appeared! TWO LINES!!!!!!!! I cannot even explain the level of shock that went through my mind & body. I called Ryan literally laughing and told him to go outside his work so I could FaceTime him the news. He didn't believe it either. My sister & mom just happened to be coming over & I was able to surprise them with the test. They were both just as shocked as us. Magnolia was picking up on their excitement and talking about the baby in my belly. It was a great day!

Before the shock wore off I started spotting, and by Friday my lab results confirmed my fear, I was losing the pregnancy. Yesterday I spoke to my doctor & I have a prescription for Progesterone waiting at the pharmacy. Maybe, and hopefully, progesterone support is all that I'll need for the next time.

Honestly, I'm still in shock. We didn't think we could even get pregnant without IVF, much less twice. This early pregnancy loss has been sad & disappointing, but also filled us with a renewed hope. We know it's still possible to conceive naturally, which was never the case for us before Magnolia. We have the support of several doctors & most importantly we have faith!

We are going to fight for this baby! We are going to pray fervently! We are going to live in gratitude & hope!

xo