I want to share a little update about our journey to baby Smith and our IVF progress. The time from egg retrieval to now tested my faith and strength in ways I've never experienced before, and quite honestly I wasn't prepared for this part of the journey. I guess I can't say I'm really prepared for any of it, but I try to do my research and understand what is coming, but for some reason this was a step I had missed. I waited by the phone every single day to hear from our embryologist so she could give us an update on our embabies. It was tough, but it taught me so much about letting go, trusting God, and realizing that I have absolutely zero control over what happens in those Petri dishes. Ryan reminded me that worrying would not change the outcome, and I'm going to admit that worry and self doubt came to my mind at least a thousand times. I spent a lot of time in prayer! I literally had to tell myself "I am strong, I am brave, I will be mother" over and over again. It was a battle. It was a battle to keep the fearful thoughts at bay. My hands would start to shake when she called with updates. Take the passion and desire to be a mother, add in a crazy amount of hormones, the fact that I'm a work in progress when it comes to letting go, and imagine the intensity of waiting! My sisters and mom were waiting for updates every day, half the time they were calling for updates before I had them and I would get excited thinking it was the embryologist calling and then the phone would say "Hay Hay" - I love that girl with my whole heart- but in those moments I wanted to see my doctor's name on the phone. It meant a lot to me knowing that they were experiencing the "wait" right along with us. I'm so very thankful for them! With Ryan's love and support, and my mom and sisters' faithful enthusiasm, I survived this week and learned some major lessons. I was telling my sister, after her sweet texts that always touched me deeply to tears, that I just fill so raw. I feel like I've been ripped open and all my emotions are just flowing out like a river. There is no doubt that God's plan includes lessons along the way to parenthood. In many of my prayers I ask that I see clearly what I am to learn. I know that I will be different person after all of this, we aren't even half way finished, and I can tell I'm already changing.
An Instagram photo from Easter: The last few weeks on #ourjourneytobabysmith as we were newbies to the world of #ivf my love for this man has grown even stronger. His tender touch each night as he gave me the injections, along with all the laughter he somehow created during such a scary time, are memories I'll cherish forever. The emotional side has been tougher than I had expected and the physical side has been easier. He cheers me up, he strengthens my faith, encourages my gratitude. My rock and my lover for eternity, this sweet sweet man!
Thank God for him.
It is true, life is full of tiny little miracles every single day.
From now until May there won't be many updates about our IVF journey. We are taking a month off to relax and travel! This wasn't the original plan, we were planning to do the frozen embryo transfer in April. At one point last week, May had came to my mind as a better month for the transfer, simply because I thought it'd be nice to let my body calm down from all the injections, emotions, etc., but I never told Ryan or my doctor that I was thinking that way. Anyway, I went in for a sonogram and blood work yesterday (which all went very well there, thankfully) and we are scheduled for our frozen embryo transfer in May now. They said I could try and change it back to April if we wanted, but Ry and decided it's meant to be this way and we are going to reconnect, relax, celebrate, and travel in the month of April. Travel is good for the soul, plus an extra month in prayer and mediation is even better for the soul! I'm going to LET GO and surrender to God's plans, all the while living in a state of gratitude for all the miracles we are given each and every day!
We are thinking a west coast beach vacation, because we love Cali!
Photos from our trip to Pacific Coast Highway in October 2014.
Your prayers mean the world to us and we can feel each and every one of them. Thank you!
With love xo
Wen
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