"God has more in store for you than you can even imagine." Ephesians 3:20
In November, after my surgery for endometriosis, I went through a stage of sadness, fear, doubt, all that bad stuff. I wrote a little bit about it here. At that time the thought of doing IVF was very disheartening. Now, after months of praying and praying and praying, my entire heart has shifted from a place of fear to hope, happiness, excitement, and most importantly FAITH! I don't know how to explain the shift other than true faith. I believe with all my being that God will bless us with babies and I have so much faith in this journey that the only fears that arise now are petty ones that revolve around sticking needles in my abdomen. And I know after all the endo pain I've lived with, the needles will not be a big deal. God has already answered so many of our prayers that I feel like I'm in a constant state of gratitude and thankfulness. This is right where I belong right now, and there is no other way I'd rather start IVF than with a heart full of gratitude.
I was out shopping for an antique mirror for our pink powder room, and I saw this little vintage hand knitted cardigan. I knew how much my grandma would have adored it and I just had to buy it. We may end up with boys, but if we just happen to have a baby girl, I can't wait to see her in this. I think most women going through IVF come to a point where they are in this exact situation. They know they'll be a mama someday, but then doubt and fear fills their heart and they think "what if I never have a baby?" (it's such an awful feeling), and the thought of buying something like this seems absurd. I decided to go ahead and buy it. I'd rather be the woman that lives with high hopes and dreams, than the women that drowns in the sorrows of her fear.
A friend of mine that suffered from infertility for many years sent this poem to me and of course it had me crying.
I will be a wonderful mother. There are women who become mothers without effort, without thought, without patience or loss, and though they are good mothers and love their children, I know that I will be better. I will be better not because of genetics or money or because I have read more books, but because I have struggled and toiled for this child. I have longed and waited. I have cried and prayed. I have endured and planned over and over again. Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. I will notice everything about my child. I will take time to watch my child sleep, explore, and discover. I will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of my life. I will be happy when I wake in the middle of the night to the sound of my child, knowing that I can comfort, hold, and feed him and that I am not waking to take another temp, pop another pill, take another shot or cry tears of a broken dream. My dream will be crying for me. I count myself lucky in this sense; that God has given me this insight, this special vision with which I will look upon my child. Whether I parent a child I actually give birth to or a child that God leads me to, I will not be careless with my love. I will be a better mother for all that I have endured. I am a better wife, a better aunt, a better daughter, neighbor, friend, and sister because I have known pain. I know disillusionment, as I have been betrayed by my own body. I have been tried by fire and hell that many never face, yet given time, I stood tall. I have prevailed. I have succeeded. I have won. So now, when others hurt around me, I do not run from their pain in order to save myself discomfort. I see it, mourn it, and join them in theirs. I listen and even though I cannot make it better, I can make it less lonely. I have learned the immense power of another hand holding tight to mine, of other eyes that moisten as they learn to accept the harsh truth when it is beyond hard. I have learned a compassion that only comes by walking in those shoes. I have learned to appreciate life. Yes, I will be a wonderful mother.
This was a photo I shared on Instagram a few weeks ago.
As we were moving I found the storage container that safely holds a baby blanket crocheted by my grandma and all the cute little booties that she made over the years. Grandma loved babies and she took great pleasure in making these little booties for any pregnancy announcement she heard about. The sets with the pearls on top were the "special" ones! Our upstairs bedrooms will be the office and guest bedroom, but I can't help but walk into the rooms and think about where the cribs (I keep thinking plural) will be positioned, where the changing table belongs, or the rocker! I hold my grandma's baby booties in this room and I feel a soft whisper from my angel that says not feel worry or fear, but to cherish the wait. She was the most courageous woman I knew, and she's still a huge inspiration to me each day. As Ry and go about this journey to our babies, I'm going to keep these little booties nearby, as a gentle reminder that one day little feet will be kicking around in them!
Ry and I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon to officially start the IVF process. We'll get the timeline and details today, but the tentative plan is that we'll be able to do the embryo transfer in my birthday month of April!
We moved into #thesmithspinkhouse in mid-January and the renovations started immediately. This project has been moving along so nicely and all the scheduling has worked out so perfectly that everything is happening faster than I had expected. Here are some of the progress photos and notes. Most of the photos were shared on Instagram ---- follow along with us @wendycorreen
Here you can see the BEFORE AND AFTER of the dark cabinets before they were painted Super White by Benjamin Moore. Also, we added new crystal knobs to all the doors and drawers. You can't see the sparkle in this photo, but the kitchen is very bright during the day and all the cabinets sparkle thanks to the new knobs.
We decided to do solid white countertops like this, we also ordered that Delta Faucet. We have a single bowl stainless steel sink going in, and the corners of the counters will be squared off instead of rounded like this photo. Ryan is going to install marble subway tile in a few weeks, after the new counter installation is completed. And we ordered GE's stylish Artistry Series appliances from Lowes.
On Saturday Ryan and his dad removed the ceiling fan that was in the living room and installed this new chandelier. I think it looks so much better!
Another progress photo of the living room from the entry.
Here is a BEFORE AND AFTER that makes my heart happy! The stairs will have leopard print carpet installed on them this Thursday. Follow along on Instagram @wendycorreen to see how it turns out!
Little Mrs. PB watching the new light fixture be installed. She's ready to move upstairs and get out of the dark basement. So are we!
Our painters worked very hard getting all of our woodworking to look pretty!
Ryan was up until 2 am installing all of our cabinet doors!
This is the master bedroom with the new chandelier installed.
Master bedroom view from the doorway. I can't wait to move in here!
Isn't this pink poodle artwork so much fun? I had to order it for our walls! Now I just need to get it framed.
This was our closet door project. This set of doors is painted in Beach Blanket by Valspar.
We had extra crystal knobs from the kitchen so we installed them on the closet doors.
The other set of closet doors are painted the same color as the powder room walls. It's Valspar's Baby Blush.
At some point I'm going to paint the powder room vanity gray, but for now I'm going to enjoy the one bit of stained wood that is left in the house. I cleaned it up this morning and it's shining bright now. I've got some decor that I cannot wait to install in this room!
I took this photo after the hardwood floors were refinished. I love the dark wood against the white cabinets and trim work. It's going to be tough keeping them clean, but I'm up for the challenge because they look so damn good!
Since we cannot move in yet, I'm burning candles and dreaming about all the decor plans I have for our home.
This is our bright white dining room with my very favorite chandelier hanging pretty in the room!
I hope you enjoy our renovation progress photos. I'll have more exciting posts to share this week as the new carpet goes in on Thursday!
We have our IVF meeting today. Please say a prayer that we can fill those upper level bedrooms with lil' babies someday soon! Thank you for following along on our journey.
xo Wen
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