2022: A lot can happen in a year!

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I sat across from Magnolia at lunch today, as I looked into her innocent blue eyes she told me she felt scared & excited about her newly loose tooth. I told her how much I understand. Those two words were the theme of 2022 and I'm certain they'll be carried into 2023, but with a little more emphasis on the exciting part. In 29 days I'll start injections for IVF and the thought of it all is terrifying and exciting. Magnolia talks about her brother/sister as if they are already here, already a part of her life, a guaranteed angel that will join us very soon. Every time she talks about being a big sister my heart jumps for joy and then it falls down and the walls I've created remind me of the babies we lost and the challenges we have in getting pregnant. What I fear the most is letting her down. What I hope for the most is the blessing from Heaven above.

Oh what a year we had, 2022 was a wild ride. In February Magnolia turned FIVE years old and had the sweetest Maggie Mermaid pool party. We travelled for her first out of state dance competition and we cannot wait to go back to Omaha again in a few months. We spent my 41st birthday in the emergency room when Magnolia broke her leg on the trampoline at my sister's house. The memory of her wobbling around in her orange cast is forever ingrained into my heart. Our summer days were spent poolside with our neighbor friends and the cousin crew. In June I had a second laparoscopic surgery for endometriosis and in many ways I feel like it was the push I needed to find the courage to do IVF again. Magnolia started KINDERGARTEN and we absolutely LOVE every single thing about homeschooling. She is a rockstar and she also has a new found love for the weekends. After three different appointments with area reproductive endocrinologists we were surprised with a "waiting list" appointment to get into Dr. Riggs with Blue Sky in October. He is the doctor we had hoped and prayed for, but had over a year long wait. So grateful for how it all worked out. Magnolia and I were werewolves for Halloween and I love nothing more than matching with her whenever we can. Disney World was the absolute most magical part of 2022. It was a dream come true in so many ways. We are ending 2022 with one new family member, Cloudy, a robo hamster delivered straight from the North Pole.

All the highlights of the year feel like a big deal, but really if I think about the most special days it was the quiet moments at home with Magnolia and Ryan and the pups, it was the days spent with my sisters + mom + nieces + nephew doing the ordinary things, it was peeking in the dance room watching Magnolia do what she loves the very most, it was the days when I was in the moment feeling grateful for this life.

I feel like I learned a lot about myself this year, especially about my greatest fears that have often held me back from living my fullest life. I started therapy in January and with the help of a therapist I worked through the death of my grandpa when I was 11. I knew his tragic death has always haunted me, but I had no idea how to work through it, and 30 years later I finally made some progress. This might feel like I'm ending on a somber note, but really I hope it's the opposite. I hope that if something is weighing heavy on your heart that you may find the courage to work through it, no matter how many years have passed. I'll never be fully healed from losing my grandpa (my father figure) when I was 11, and for many years I denied the unprocessed pain it had caused. I finally got to a point when I knew I had to work through it and I did, and I'm just so proud of myself for getting help. One full year of therapy made such a huge impact on my life and I'm just so grateful for it. I've taken a break for now, but I will never ever hesitate to go again if I feel like I need it.

I did one of those "the first words you see will be your mantra for the year" thingys, you know what I mean with all the letters and hidden words, right? Mine were: LOVE, FAMILY, MIRACLES, HEALTH! And, well, they couldn't be better.