IVF - Sibling Cycle

Right after Magnolia's first birthday we got pregnant naturally and sadly lost the baby after seeing it's tiny little heart beat. I miscarried at home at 10.5 weeks. It was traumatic and I wish I would have gone to therapy to deal with all the sadness that ended up being suppressed. (p.s. I go to therapy now and it's been beyond wonderful for a lot of suppressed emotions - subject for another day). I felt frozen in time and I just wanted to hold on to Magnolia and never let go. I had a chemical pregnancy in January of 2020. Then the pandemic happened and I had zero desire to try again for numerous reasons. Last October I found out I needed to have laparoscopy for endometriosis again. Last month I had the surgery and doing it again took me back to 2015 when we first started our infertility journey. I wasn't even out of surgery for six hours this time before the desire to have another baby came flooding over me. Thankfully Ryan is supportive either way, of course he'd love to have another baby, but he's much like me in knowing how incredibly blessed we are to have our sweet Magnolia Caroline from our ONE AND ONLY embryo after our first round of IVF. He was on board, with the idea of doing IVF again, right away. 

I talked to Magnolia about our plans to try IVF again and about having a baby brother or sister. The subject sends this girl into a level of excitement and happiness I've never ever seen before, and she's an excitable little girl. She was singing all around the house and at the pool "I'm going to be THE big sister!" Neighbors probably think I'm pregnant already. To be honest there is a level of fear in this because I know the reality of IVF and the last thing I want to do is break her heart or disappoint her. I also know that going into IVF we have to be full of faith & hope and that is where my heart will be most of the time. I can't let that little voice of fear stop me like it has for the past few years. We are putting full faith in the Lord above, and as always we will be watching for signs from Heaven above that we are on the right path. 

I can't help but think about the dream I had in April, I shared about it here. The dream was so real and when I woke I felt as though the baby we lost had just visited me. Now I feel as if she came to give me comfort and put me on this golden path to our baby. Maybe she was just the nudge I needed to have the faith and confidence to try IVF again. There was a time when I swore I'd never do it again & here I am now. 

I already knew what doctor I wanted to use this time around. He's one of the top ten in the nation and opening a new location about 15 minutes from our house. I was so excited to call and schedule a new patient appointment only to find out he's booking out over a year. I was so bummed because my 41 year old ovaries don't have that much time to wait. I prayed at the kitchen table for direction and ended up calling a doctor whose name is the same as the street my grandparents lived on when I was a kid. I asked for the first available appointment and the scheduler said how about 10/10/22! I very happily said we'll take it and felt it was just the sign we needed because 10/10 is our wedding anniversary. Earlier this week I got an email about that 10/10 appointment because the doctor is retiring and won't be offering IVF. So there went that excitement and back to square one. I did some quick research and called another doctor I had in mind. The call went about the same except I got lucky to get a cancellation for September instead of having to wait until December. The scheduler put us down for 9/29! 

Now I have to share about the numbers 299! Before Magnolia was even talking much, and way before she knew her numbers she started to say the numbers 2-9-9 over and over. It was a daily thing and so random. One time we were driving home late at night, she was asleep in her carseat, woke up and started saying 2-9-9. I just knew it meant something more, something angelic, something Heavenly. I assumed I'd never know, but always felt it was very special to her. Her playhouse address is 299 for this reason. Last year Ryan was doing some research on my grandpa - who was my world. He was reading about him online because he was a sergeant in the Air Force during WWII. His aircraft was shot down by the Nazis in Holland when he was captured and became a Prisoner of War for over year. Ryan was shocked beyond to see the numbers for an aircraft in his squadron were #41-29299!!! There were the numbers 299! After this recent appointment was scheduled I started looking at the numbers again and realized "oh wow, I'm 41 years old!" My papa was born in 1921 and died in 1992. All the same numbers for our 9-29-22 IVF appointment. It's feels angelic to me. Ryan has had a few special things happen to him already too, music is a big one for him. 

IVF is such an emotional process and the only way I can get through it is by being prayerful, faithful, and spiritual. All the signs from Heaven above encourage me to stay full of hope and help me drown out the fears. 

I shared this news on Instagram stories, and so many of my friends on there are fellow IVF mamas. They came pouring in with support and prayers and I feel so grateful. I'm sure I'll continue to share our journey, and the prayers from you along the way mean the absolute world to us! So HUGE thank you in advance. 

We believe miracles happen every single day. And we are believing in another miracle baby. I kept this bible verse close to heart during IVF #1: 

Matthew 17:20 (NIV) - He replied, “Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”

All the love, 

Ryan, Wendy and Magnolia